


Mr. Soldier

by redbass_baby



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Letter, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 12:25:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12254352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbass_baby/pseuds/redbass_baby
Summary: Dear Mr. Soldier, I hope you're okay. Yours truly, N.A.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a personal writing based on a old, dead interaction I loved with a friend of mine. It's full of good memories and bad memories, but I enjoyed it. I don't know if she'll find it, but it would be a wonder if she did. This isn't to upset her, it's just a musing because it was a very sad part of the interaction I'm playing off of.

Dear Mr. Solider,

It’s been a while since I’ve written you, let alone heard about you around town. It seems you’ve truly vanished. I can only hope you are healthy and safe, perhaps alive if that’s possible by now with your home town blown to hell. My heart still cares for you despite the fragments of a relationship we left behind when everything fell apart.

The last time I wrote you, I told you I had a mission to do. I had to clean up after Reno in sector 7. He’d had a little fun with some explosives, but I’m sure you heard about it somehow. Everyone knew about the plate falling within two day. It was a lot of recon and search and rescue. I saw a lot of dead people those days. I saw a lot of innocent people caught in the cross fire of ShinRa thinking they were doing something right when the execution was haphazardly wrong. It was horrible, yet nothing new to me or to you really. It was like the war in Wutai, but at home. It is because of that sense of normalcy that they choose us though, right? We wont shake in the face of death. 

You know, sometimes I wonder if any of my letters reached you. I’m sure Seph could have made sure of it, even when I didn’t know where to send them anymore. I never really got anything back now that I think about it. You were probably mad at me, probably didn’t want to hear from me. I guess I was hoping for something writing you, maybe I could rekindle some of what we had. 

Anyway, I miss you, Mr. Soldier. You’re still part of my heart even after everything was said and done. I hope you're ok, wherever you are.

Yours truly,  
N.A.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Mr. Soldier,

Hello again, Mr. Soldier. It’s been a while again. Things haven’t been very good since you went away. 

I’ve been thinking about a lot of the things that we did in the past, thinking about things we said to each other, good and bad. Remember when you told me you would protect me from those that tried to say I was a woman back then? All i had to do was let you know if anything happened. That was one of the most sincere things I’d heard from anyone then and I wished I could have utilized that before you went. I wished I’d asked for help before everything broke between us. Those rumors of me being a woman in disguise never stopped even when I met you. I just never said anything. Our fights made me too prideful, too arrogant to ask for help when I was being discovered. 

ShinRa found out about everything. 

They pulled a surprised inspection and I couldn’t prepare for it fast enough. They found out I was a woman and I was kicked out, probably to you expectation in the end. It’s not surprising to you either, I bet. I know eventually I would be, just not so soon. 

They tried to kill me too for dishonoring the company. I escaped otherwise I wouldn’t be able to write, but I’ve had to move into hiding for mean time until its safe enough for me to get near Midgar again. I’ve been very alone too, but at least I found another job to make ends meet as a post man basically. It’s mostly shipping big boxes to a few small important people.  
Anyway, I hope you’re still doing ok. I know this will get better with time and you too. Everything will be ok. I just wonder how you’re doing and maybe one day I’ll get something back. 

Yours truly,  
N.A.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Mr. Soldier,

How are you? Good I hope. 

I don’t know what to write, but I just need to write to someone, something. I need to find something to keep me grounded, remind me everything is ok, though this probably isn’t the best way. All I know it is hurts really bad and I’m alone. It’s really hard and I’m really numb. My legs are numb and I can’t stop crying. 

I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry I hurt you. I… I should have seen what was in front of me.

N.A.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Mr. Soldier,

Do you remember that breaking feeling inside? I understand that now. I’ve been feeling a similar breaking feeling inside of me. I wish it would go away, but every time I take something I had of you and put it away or got rid of it, it made me feel a little better, like I was moving on.

I don’t know if you really care that i’m getting rid of it. You probably don’t have the comforts of your luxurious home you had before anymore. Neither do I, so I have no room to talk. I apologize. 

I just care that your healthy and alive, though I still get nothing in response. I apologize if these are annoying if you still hate me. I guess you can say I’m still being hopeful, but it’s more of it’s really hard to stop care for you when you use to be such a big part of my life. I’m sorry for doing this Mr. Soldier. Maybe I should stop writing you. 

Sincerely,

N.A.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Mr. Soldier,

It’s been a long time since my last letter to you. I got scared you hated me, and even more when I never heard anything, not even a yes to that i was annoying you. 

I have some good news: I’ve been moving on better. The bad news is, I’ve been have some episodes. It hard for me to admit that. I’ve been wanting to forget about you and everything, the ruin or relationship was left in, the ruin my life has become, the feeling of inadequacy every time I think about you. It’s not your fault, so don’t blame you self for my ignorance and obsessiveness. I’ve just wanted to feel numb. It is a bad way of feeling numb, but it works better that anything else. 

I’m just sorry for everything and wish I could let go of everything. I still remember everything we did together and apart that you told me about: That plane ride and how you talked to me, every night we spent in that tent on the mountain, the episodes you had, the missions you told me about, that time you come to the hospital and thought i was asleep and read though my notes on Loveless. It surprised me a lot when I seen you writing down basic Kaidoan. Yet, I just wish I could erase those memories, leave you alone and move on for good. It’s just really hard, Mr. Soldier. How did you do it? I wish I could get some advice from you, wish you could tell me what to do to make it all better for both of us, but I know i won’t receive anything. I’ve given up on that front. 

Well, I guess I should wish you a good morning, good afternoon, or good night, which ever it fitting. I hope everything is working out for you better than me. I would never wish this upon you. I’ll let you know if I get better. 

Sincerely,

N.A.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Mr. Soldier,

Theres something I should have told you a long time ago. I should have told you on that mountain or at least in the hospital when you were still just mad at my secrecy. The thing is I wasn’t supposed to and now my world is flipped over on end.

What I should have told you was that I wasn’t human. I could heal myself and I was from the world where your beloved goddess came from, the Cosmos. I never died on that mountain because I healed the hole in head then when you left, dug it out. Mr. Soldier it was this which I was forbidden to tell you, because my life isn’t free. I’m bound to the rules that humans would never know and gods and goddesses live by. 

I’m so sorry. I ruined everything. I should have seen that it wouldn’t work out that way. I should seen I was digging my grave, not with you, but my seniors back home. I loved you with all my heart, and truthfully, it’s made me very human. I shouldn’t have fallen for you and I’m sorry because if I didn’t love you, this wouldn’t be happening. I wouldn’t be sitting here crying with a drug abuse problem because I can’t stop caring about you, nor believe you’re truly dead. I’m sorry Mr. Soldier I ruined everything. I should have told you everything. That would have been a better way to show you I cared for you, that I trusted you. 

Maybe if I had, me and you could have been together or at least better friends. I never cared that you wanted to be better than Sephiroth. That wasn’t what expected of you or wanted from you. I just wanted you and fucked it up in the process of being me. I just wish now that I could have changed it all and fixed it before we tore each other apart. 

Mr. Soldier, this is my last letter to you. I really really miss you and care about you. I still love you with all my heart and that’s a honest truth. All of this is, Mr. Soldier. 

I hope you are doing okay, wherever you are.

Sincerely,  
N.A.


End file.
